KONNICHIWA!

Last night I decided ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I HAVE HAD IT WITH THIS MOTHERFUCKIN' BUREAU IN MY MOTHERFUCKIN' BEDROOM! Er, well basically I inherited this bureau/desk/chestofdrawers from my sister's room, and for ages it sat next to my PC, and I stuck stuff in it, like games and books and used it as a bookshelf. Unfortunately, it was cheaply made in the 80s and was barely keeping together: I mean, seriously, it was being held up by the contents inside: remove a couple of the old boxes inside and the sides would just fall apart. So I worked dilligently, moved everything out of it, stored it all away in the proper place, removed the old bureau, and took it to the recycling centre to turn it into a recycled wooden chair.

Naw, I got my mum to move it. ...yeah. Now all the stuff inside is sat on my bed, making a mess, and the corner it sat in is totally black with damp. So, uh, need to get something to cover that up...

School started with Biology, which was about respiration. The subject is as inpenetrable as a (insert tasteless pun here). Later English, where I recalled that I have a essay on Othello to do, which will not get done, unless I STOP TELLING MYSELF I CAN'T DO IT eh who am I kidding.

Driving lesson NUMBERO 4! Went to PC World's car park to do some steering practice, and after some work I got the whole "push-pull" system of steering down to a T. Then my instructor asked me if I wanted to drive on the MAIN ROAD down to the industrial estate. Oh blimey, thought I, I'm not a proper driver, I can't do that! There's... traffic lights and stuff! But I gave it a go, and I rolled down the PC World car park exit, and stopped at the lights, and put on the handbrake, and waited for the lights to change, released the handbrake, went forward, steered right to fit in the right lane, and - whoa, I was driving on the BIG ROAD! - and then I got to the turning and went left and I was back on the mostly empty industrial estate roads. So I drove round them for a while, and then the lesson was over.

An hour later I was at Thorpe St Andrews High School for the Japanese adult education taster session. There was twelve of us, and a Mötley Crüe we were. There was a Spanish couple, and a couple who reminded me of my sister and her partner, and everyone else other than me was female. (Except for the couples. They weren't gay couples, you understand.) There was a grey-haired grandmother who had a Japanese daughter-in-law, which sounded pretty cool. (Incidentally, she mentioned she was a hairdresser, and I had my hair cut a few weeks ago by a female Asian hairdresser, and I thought maybe this is one of those six-degrees-of-separation things.) Anyway. I didn't learn much, seeing as I know the rudiments of Japanese, but it was fun to actually get to use it. The teacher is Kayoko-san, and she's pretty cool. She talks in Japanese most of the time, which is oddly great to listen to. Also I find I can pick up the odd word, like "demo" and "so desu ka" and "wakarimasu", which is really cool.

The only problem is that the sign-up form says you have to be 19, but I don't know if that's for the taster session (which I did anyway) or the main course. I'm hoping I can slip through, or that it doesn't matter. I mean, why 19? It doesn't make sense.

Also the form has this weird section on it, marked "Learner background", and it has a weird selection of choices: "Homeless," "ex-offender", "history of drug or alcohol abuse", "lone parents," and "13-17 year olds who are at risk of becoming Not in Education, Employment or Training (NEET)". NEET is basically, or so I read ages ago, government code for "chav", which I've always thought is pretty funny.

So I would really like to carry on, but whether I'm old enough remains to be seen.

From the WP:RD:
Typing

How do you type with boxing gloves on? NeonMerlin 01:23, 18 September 2006 (UTC)

Can you handle a mouse? There are accesability tools which provides on-screen keyboards. Oskar 01:25, 18 September 2006 (UTC)

I know how to answer this one: DELETED!! --Maxamegalon2000 01:32, 18 September 2006 (UTC)

I think you'll find it's actually BALEETED! -Canley 03:14, 18 September 2006 (UTC)

Well she’s walking, through the clouds...

Today's occurances:

Got to school latish but Mr Wilkinson wasn't there so we ticked the register ourselves. Then nothing happened until some people from Al-Anon showed up, the support group for people affected by alcoholics (as opposed to Alcoholics Anonymous, who are targetted towards alcoholics). They were vaguely interesting, and better than the brewery guy last week. I give them a generous 6/10. Actually, +2 points because the young lady who told us about her alcoholic father mentioned that she used to listen to the Cure and the Smiths (though -1 for the fact she now listens to U2 and Coldplay instead).

Shortly afterwards, nothing happened again, until Mr Field asked us to do another bloody Critical Thinking mock. I got through the multiple choice questions easily but got bored by the time I reached the Section B questions. I couldn't really be bothered so I handed in my paper and left to read Going Postal.

Finally, we had a session of CPR training. I kinda already had a vague idea of what to do, from the Biology trip we did where I was shown CPR by a gay Portuguese male nurse and also from the training missions in America's Army. Oh, America's Army. If you want to play as a medic in-game, you actualy have to go to the med school level, walk through a detailed 3D hospital to a simulated 3D classroom, sit down through a series of four lengthy lectures, before completing a simulated final exam on paper. The recovery position, triage, applying torniquets, I learnt it all. It's crazy stuff, especially since you just press "E" in the actual game.

Anyway a kind UEA med student took our group through it, the DRS ABC routine, the 30 chest compressions to 2 breaths ratio, and I picked it all up. Afterwards one of the UEA med students gave a humourous presentation about a career in medicine, and we laughed and I looked around and thought "Whoa, it's summery weather, people are sitting around laughing in sunglasses, suddenly this feels like I'm a sixth former." It made sense at the time.

After school we went to Shaun's to play Guitar Hero. Guitar Hero is, yes, truly awesome. Sadly my guitar skills count for naught, but it's still great fun to mash the keys while trying to play No One Knows on Expert. And seeing how far you can get on Take Me Out (32% for me).

Well, my camera has been found! In my room, behind a box. Also, Sky One showed the forbidden episode of the Simpsons, the one with the World Trade Center. Additionally, the surrealist Stella Artois advert is one of my favourite things ever. So much meaning packed into such a short film.

The Matrix: Revolutions is on. It sucked when it came out, but looking back it's not too bad. It also has one of my favourite moments in cinema: when Neo and Trinity shoot out of the Earth-encircling overcast clouds and for the first time in their lives, catch a glimpse of the blue sky, clouds and sunshine... before plummeting back down to their sad doom. It's kinda touching and beautiful.

"Cookies need love like everything does!"

Thieves take elderly woman's lawn

When I saw this on the local news, the bad pun part of my brain went into overdrive:

• I hope someone grasses them up.


• They'll be facing the long arm of the lawn.


• The police should just turf them in prison.

Sadly, before the remnants of his brain dribbled out of his ears, the nice man asked me to stop, please.

Stuff wot happened today:

A kind gentleman from St Peter's Brewery came round to sell us his beer and talk to us about the beer making process, because Mr Field thinks it's important we learn where our alcohol comes from. Sadly, he spoke very quietly and was very, very boring, like the man from the Box Factory in the Simpsons. "St Peter's Brewery sells mainly export to other countries, where markets are quite strong. Interestingly, the bottle we use for our beer is a patented design. We are the only brewery in the country to use copper-plated taps, as opposed to the more mainstream aluminium taps, which I'm sure you'll agree are hardly in the same league. No, we only make boxes to ship nails. Now, this is the best part of my talk. You see, this may look like an ordinary bottle of beer, but with one important difference - oh, we took that out. Yes, it is just like every other bottle of beer." It's difficult to make fun of him because I honestly can't remember what he said, aside from "We do a lot of business with... Asians." So me, henner and squidblaine just quoted the bit in Donnie Darko when Patrick Swayze is giving the talk at the school. "You know what? No one ever knows what they want to drink when they grow up. You know it takes a little, little while to find that out, right, Jim?"

Anyway, in Biology I found out that I actually need to be doing coursework, no, seriously, like in time for handing in in a week, and then I skipped Critthink because it was another test. Later at Robin's I tried one of the St Peter's beers. Eeuck. Maybe I'm too young, but... bitter is like, a tad too bitter for me.

Later I went to the city and finally bought Ben Folds Five's Whatever and Ever Amen, because I have run out of CDs to listen to. She's alone. I'm alone. And now I know it: She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly. Also I bought a watch to time my runs, like. I saw three runners today, and I wanted to say "Hey, I'm one of you now!"

On the bus home, I was feeling nostalgic for the old days, so I listened to Ash and Weezer. I kinda stopped listening to Ash after Meltdown came out, because it was kinda a disappointment. Generic pop punk filler! Trying to be "hard" and "rock" and "punk" but sounding like Fisher Price Rock! OK, maybe I'm a bit harsh, but Ash aren't hardcore enough to do hardcore rock, even though I love them all dearly. Especially Chaz. Also, after listening to them non-stop for several years I'd got bored of them. But listening to them on the bus, it brought back memories 'n' stuff, of old girls I used to know and Broads Sailing trips and the time I almost decided to flip and become a vampire, which was cool. And then I listened to some Weezer, and decided I still love them lots too.

Any day now you'll call me up on the phone
Say you love me more than you ever did before
It's all that I can do right now
To make it up to you somehow
And meet you on the other side of hope

It seems increasingly unlikely that I shall finish

Philosophy: Descartes & Skepticism
Philosophy: ????
Philosophy: Sartre
English: Something about language in Translations
English: Act I of Translations analysis
English: Antony + Cleopatra?!?
English: Something even more complicated about Translations

oh, aaaaaandd revise for whole bunch of exams that I can't actually remember what they were

in three days.

But we'll burn those bridges when we get to them.

It's fucking Christmas, they can't expect me to give a damn about their essays.

Oh, it was fucking Christmas.

Bah, 2006 sucks already.

On the plus side, I am Expanding my Horizons by listening to Songs for the Deaf wot my brother got me.

It's been a weirdish day.

Woke up, felt crap as usual, purged the initial wave of rhinoviruses with a hot shot of caffeine (wasn't that a Bob Dylan album) and went to school. Read poem in English, saddened to find that mine sucked mightily compared to everyone else's. I've just realised I'm writing this without pronouns. So I shall revert to standard syntax. Yeah, then something weird happened: some Year 8 loser acted up and Mrs Hawks decided to fob him off to Mr Armstrong. Year 8 lad (I think his name was Joshua) said "I dunt wunt to goeh!" Mrs Hawks redcarded him (some teacher discipline thing I don't understand), and shortly afterwards Mrs Collins turned up for some reason and forced him into Mr Armstrong's classroom with us AS Englishers. "Oh, he's really useless/no good at working/can't pay attention/always acts up." The usual tirade from Mrs Collins, who is a Hard Ass. And then something which initially I laughed at:

"And don't disrupt this sixth form lesson. Actually..." (she turned to address us) "If he disrupts your lesson, I want you to get your parents to write in and complain about this boy."

I laughed.

"We need evidence to get rid of him. His name's Joshua Craiglett." (I forget his exact name)

I stopped laughing.

I mean, yeah the lad's obviously a little shit, but I don't think it's going to help the boy, telling him "We're just keeping you here until we can expel you." What's the point of schooling if the teachers despise the pupils? Is this turning into some strange Judge Dredd fantasy from the pages of the esteemed 2000 AD?

Meh, maybe I'm getting soft. I know Dredd is.

So anyway, Mr Jones was off paintballing with the army (I kid you not) so I had the rest of the day off. Unfortunately I was locked out of my house, so the City beckoned. Now, earlier in the day Josh the Economist had outlawed his masterplan - pre-order about 5 PlayStation 3s, and sell them on eBay for insane prices, and eat the profit. And someone pointed out why not do that with Xbox 360s? In case you haven't noticed, Xbox 360s are going for £600+ on eBay - for no reason other than the fact that they aren't sold out. So we reckoned we'd go down the city, buy a Xbox 360 each (there must be SOME shop with stock, surely?) for £270, play them for a few hours, stick them on eBay, and sell them for £700 in a week. Unfortunately, common sense, fear of spending £270, and a complete lack of stock meant this plan may not work. (Incidentally I must admit, the Xbox 360 does have some pretty awesome graphics. Obviously the platformer I played merely sucked.)

So after wandering around the gaming shops, I had like 1.5 hours before ma girl got out of school, so I decided to Catch a Movie, as the vernacular goes. With no real preference, I went to see Keeping Mum because it was on at 2pm. It starts off as a ordinary quaint little English village comedy in the style of Vicar of Dibley, but it has this nice little streak of darkness that actually makes it deliciously humorous. It's like Mrs Doubtfire, except with a homicidal maniac pensioner. Sadly I missed the end, but it looked like it was going to wrap up nicely. Well, I don't know. I forget.

And like squidblaine, I shall take a look back at the events of a year ago. Ironically I was on an anti-consumerism rant, but in a year I've gone from left-wing idealistic to money-hungry libertarian. Yay!


"I have to also fill in a form or something for sixth form, which will determine the rest of my life. I don't know."

I don't know. Not much has changed, has it?

Today was reasonably good. I got 11/20 on a Psychology test, which was sadly the second highest mark in the class, but at least I don't have to do the "punishment" on Friday. I also have three essays to write for English, but you can't win 'em all.

I'm currently ripping my backlog of CDs in anticipation of unwrapping me iRiver tomorrow morning:
Franz Ferdinand - You Could Have It So Much Better (a cracking album I have realised)
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - The Lyre of Orpheus (some excellent tracks)
Jeff Buckley - Grace
Placebo - Once More With Feeling
They Might Be Giants - Then
They Might Be Giants - Flood
Bob Dylan - Blood On The Tracks
Guns N' Roses - Appetite For Destruction

There's also the Essential Bob Dylan, but my dad has pilfered that. Speaking of my dad, I decided to look him up on Google. It's kinda weird seeing him from the viewpoint of The World. Oddest find: a BNP website complaining about the fact that the EDP didn't print their letter.

This happens every time, and I never learn.

I realise I have an essay in a week. I do something more interesting instead.

I realise I have an essay due the day after tomorrow. I watch a little TV, play a game or two. If I'm feeling up to it, I write the title and get bored.

I realise I have an essay due tomorrow. I start writing. I get bored. I write more. I stop making sense. I think to myself "If I'd just done a little each night, I'd be done by now." I get bored. I shoot fireballs at a Japanese village for several hours.

Mr Armstrong will break my legs.

Fuck.

Steve Jobs has done it again. "Oh there'll never be an iPod Video. Portable video players are not the thing to do." (one week later) "Hey! Buy all our playsets and toys! this new iPod Video!"

"This is the most uninteresting drink I've ever tasted. It tastes like boring."
-- Me, regarding John Smiths

So today we had the dreaded Marriage Conference Or Something thing where some peoples come in to talk to us about marriage. Predictably non-fun, but deliciously like something out of Donnie Darko, right down to a course leader guy who reminded me of Patrick Swaaayzeeh (SAIKO EXCITING!!! <3). I spent half-an-hour in a classroom with Lewis Dunham and Hannah while the rest of the group wrote some stuff about marriage. There was a letter pinned up on the wall written by some Year 8 kid (in the top tier!) to Prime Minister Benjamin "Diesrali". I found a pencil and circled that, writing "Sp -4". Then I pointed out all his other spelling mistakes, underlined a bit where he just stopped making sense, and possibly made fun of his name. That was fun.

Next up was a question and answer session with two married couples. The first one was quite uninteresting, but the second one had an interesting history which come to think of it I'm not allowed to disclose here because of The Rules, but it actually taught me something. So day not total loss.

Then I had drama, which was kinda dull but alright.

Since maybe like the Middle Ages, there have been many
differing opinions on hustle and bustle. This cannot be
denied. It is my intention to sit down and play video games
for several hours.

Whenever I have an english essay to write, I always watch english paper. It never fails to distract me.

Eeeeeerugh!

Wednesday! Total angel. Did tutor and sixth form conference thing and straight onto Biology with more livers and ending up with Critical Thinking and dragging ourselves on to Enrichment. And all day in my various free periods I've been reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S Thompson, a book so full of drugs that it's kinda been affecting my head all day. And, dude, I'm the last person to advocate drug use, but it's just so full of hilariously bizarre and extreme drug trips and hallucinations and lying in a bathtub under the influence of about twelve different kinds of drug and having a car full of "...two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half-full of cocaine and a whole galaxy of multicolored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls" that it's hard not to just get swept along and laugh maniacally. I started talking about vomiting kidneys earlier.

Er.

Where was I?

Yeah, Enrichment - the spice that makes sixth form extra nice. I put myself down for Thai Bo martial artism, second choice I randomly picked Greek. Found I was in Thai Bo, happy, until today when I am informed by nomaki that I am in Sign Language with Seb. This is not fun. I complain to anyone who'll listen, head to Sign Language after lunch, sit down with Seb and Scott, figure maybe it won't be too bad, meet Rebecca Durrant for the first time (no relation, but it's exciting to meet someone with your last name. Durrants are rare.). And then I'm told that the class is too big and that I have to leave.

So I go to Greek instead, which is kinda fun. There's four girls and me, and a slightly crazy but fun Greek woman teaching us. A lot of it I can recall my sister teaching me. Kalimera? erm... polykala. yassas. Anyway, I don't know if I'm still doing that. I might switch to Drama.

Hmmm so pretty uneventful day. Read Translations and then Antony and Cleopatra in English, popped down city afterwards at insistence of Rob+Lewis, bought Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (finally).

Oh yeah and there was a Blyth-Jex girl on the bus who started talking to herself and then started insulting us and claiming we were perving on her and threatened to throw her boyfriend at us.

So what did we do?

We did what you always do when people threaten you.

Pretend to be German exchange students.

There's a new Garry's Mod out. W00t.

And I realised that as of yesterday I'm going out with a hot Weezer fan (it's the same girl, doofus, she just listened to the blue album). Well she tells me she's not that much of a fan, but I can tell that she is.

So I listened to Weezer's Pinkerton again at lunch today, and it's once again reaffirmed itself as quite possibly my favourite album, because it's still all so relevent to me, despite my lack of teenage angsty loneliness.

How stupid is it? I can't talk about it
I gotta sing about it and make a record of my heart
(How stupid is it? Won't you give me a minute
Just come up to me and say hello to my heart) How stupid is it?
For all I know you want me too and maybe you just don't know what to do or maybe you're scared to say I'm falling for you

My legs are killing me. I have been walking a lot today (7.737km/4.8miles, according to this nifty google maps thing. Not just because the bus broke down.

Anyhow, check out my new lessons, lessons of choice:

Psychology - fun. And looks like it actually will be interesting. And has MR JONES in it.

(about four hours later)
Oh, I never finished this post. Let me see.

English - intellectual. No one I really know in this class, a few accquantices. So certainly different. Whether I can get over being a loner is another matter, but I guess it'll work out.

Anyway, popped down the city to see stragglydave and co., saw a man in a Miami Dolphins shirt too late to shout anything at him. And the bus broke down.